I want to preface this review with a warning, as there are many things talked about in this song and music video that some might find triggering. While I believe it is important to talk about these topic–such as substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, and childhood trauma–I also recognize that it takes years to come to terms with these things for those who suffer from them.
There’s a lot to unpack in this song and I find myself slightly hesitate for a number of reasons.
One is the fear of reading too much into the personal lives of the creators as it really is none of my business and I like to keep the personal lives of musicians as separate as possible from their music. I’m not qualified to psychoanalyses anyone and I’m certainly not a therapist.
Another reason is that this song hit a bit closer to home for me than I thought it would. Dealing with my own trauma is something I’ve been actively working on for the last few years. Not only is it difficult to listen to this song without making personal connections but I also have very little interest in writing down intimate details about my own psyci and posting it on the internet. I fear that I won’t be able to write anything about this song without diving into my own inner world.
However, I think this is an important song to talk about so I will do my best.
This song and video is extremely personal to me. As a child I was physically and mentally abused. Which caused me to become extremely depressed and suicidal. I always thought that I was the problem, that I must of done something so wrong to deserve that type of abuse from a person who was supposed to love me and didn’t see any other way out. It’s the reason I started wearing makeup because I thought if I looked like a different person ,I would become a different person. A person that stands up for themselves. I somehow made it out alive and so grateful everyday that I did. If you or anyone else that you know is going through something similar please make a stand or be a friend because you could save a life.Remington Leith
I love the steady, staccato strings that play throughout this song. It reminds me a lot of a the sound of an analog clock–specifically the second hand. It’s one of those sounds that is always in the background–assuming you have an analog clock–but you never notice it… until the house is really quiet. Or, if you’re like me an obsessed with this fiction we call time, when you’re very conscious of the passing of time. I find it interesting that a song that deals with the distortion of reality maintains this steady acknowledgement of time passing.
So, I feel like I have to talk about the lyrics. There are so many things I want to pull out and talk about but at the same time I don’t want this to only be about the lyrics and my thoughts on them.
This shit messes with my head
The only home I know is my bed
I want to start with the pre-chorus because I think it’s got some pretty clever writing techniques going on. The first line can be taken a couple different ways: 1) it comes right after a line about taking pills so it could be a direct reference to what those pills are doing, or 2) it could be a reference to the trauma that is talked about throughout. This is a very economic way of writing a line (as much as that wording takes away from its elegance). It draws on multiple subjects of the song without having to repeat any of it.
The second line does a similar thing where it describes multiple themes. One is depression and how it isn’t really about being sad so much as being numb. The numbness makes it easier to stay curled up in bed than to go out and interact with the world. It also touches on the escapism that the song discusses in the form of substance abuse. However, the music video takes this one step further through Remington Leith changing outfits, creating the feeling of one being a persona taken in order to hit or fit into an expectation.
I really could go on and on about this song. There are so many layers to what is being said and there is an unflinching quality to it–there is no overly poetic writing or intricate instrumentation to obscure the message.
So far the songs I;ve heard for the upcoming album make me very excited for its release. I feel as if the band has pushed itself to talked about things rarely touched on in such detail. I predict this is going to be an album with teeth and I’m here for it.
What was your favourite lyric from this song and why? Leave your response in the comments along with any suggestions you have about what I should be listening to!